Even though I'm not a politician, I'm the most successful politician, ever. I beat the Bush dynasty, the Clinton dynasty, the Obama dynasty, the Kennedy dynasty, the Ming the Merciless dynasty, the Reagan dynasty, the Trudeau dynasty, the Carrington dynasty ... just terrific, how many dynasties I beat.

I wore a mask to Walter Reed ... I looked so awesome. Just like the Lone Ranger. Everybody says so. It was just terrific. Thank you!

My rally in Tulsa was a great success! Any time you can get applause from 6200 yahoos for drinking a glass of water with one hand? #Winning

man goes to his therapist. says he's been pretty sad lately. says he's been having trouble finding the joy in things.

therapist asks him if there have been any times he *has* been happy recently. man thinks for a second, then nods. says he's felt comparatively joyful on his commutes home every night, riding the bus downtown from capitol hill.

therapist closes his notebook and nods. "that makes sense," he says. "bus 10 makes me feel good, too."

In case anyone asks you, I'm very rich and a great businessman. Such a great businessman that I paid a porn star $130K NOT to sleep with me. 😂

Is it just me, or does February seem like a decade ago?

My ego is spectacular. I have the best, most terrific ego. Yet, I am still humble in ways that you little people will never understand, because I'm a very smart guy, Ivy League education. The best words. Bigly stable genius, I am.

Why can't I just get an IV of Mr Clean to get rid of the virus? We should study this ... it's a brilliant idea. Terrific, "out of the box" thinking.

The Fake News media isn't doing a great job of praising the fantastic job I'm doing with this Wu-Tang virus. I stopped several people from China from coming to the US, which saved 27 billion lives. I'm a war hero!

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